I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
