I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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