Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
