my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
only you would photoshop your dick
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
