3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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