Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
