I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
