you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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