This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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