Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize