i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize