I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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