I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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