Do you still have your period?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
