I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize