Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
