I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
