my phone needs a breathalizer
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
