Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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