She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
