A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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