That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to sanitize my soul.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
