Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
