she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost the right to judge tonight
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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