I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
