Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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