Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
