i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
