What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
