i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
