I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
