please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
