Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
