no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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