We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
