Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
