mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
