This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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