I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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