Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
