I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
