He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
