Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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