I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
