the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
