My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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