I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The adults are the big ones right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
