I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
