loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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