Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
