Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
