Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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