He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
