All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
