Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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