a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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