just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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