I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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