my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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