I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize