I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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