Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
