He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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