i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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