just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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