are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize