whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
