You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize