just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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